Heart Song

There was a song I had long forgotten

or not forgotten but locked away.

Your carelessly hummed tune
caused my heart to wake.

Your touch, your eyes, your knowing smile.

You always know the end of every game we play.

You won my heart with your gaze.

Your eyes are life

Of green growing things and faerie dreams

Your smile lifts my heart strings.

These days,

All I long for is to touch your face.

To bathe your tresses and

 run fingers through.

My desires lie above.

My desire is you.

Those days,

I only stayed above water.

Any deep depth chilled

& caused  bones to shake.

Those days,

I could not meet your eyes.

Those days in the past,

I told only lies;

Go away I don’t want you do not speak to me

These days, I fear

-but fear is nothing new to me

I will drown in fear if it will bring me closer to you, as

A day without you is what I have grown used to.

But nothing need remain the same.

Nothing gold or black can stay.

We can try to be close again.

Your song opens me through and through

I know you KNOW me

As I KNOW you.

We are foolish to deny it, to fight  or hide it.

Do you not understand yet?

This song between us, in our bones and souls

Is not one long forgotten or  denied.

We can ignore and hope it fades,

But life’s shores  bring us to each other’s doors.

The wind carries our songs to each other’s ears, and

The  bubbling rushing river carries our dreams and fears.

Our hearts  ache when the other’s in pain.  

 But black hearts will part.

Only love remains.

Image Source: 'Heart Song' by Dave Moilanen

My Heart's Delight

A bright sunflower blooms in the arctic night

Golden bloom haloed in its own light
with a sweet smile that melts the tundra snow

and causes my heart to warm and glow

My heart’s delight

Sings the song that soothes my soul

Has the heart I long to know

Has the body I long to hold

And the eyes that make me speak soft and low

A window that lets true beauty show;

The light that makes flowers grow. 

Drowning

Yellow-white sun is shining
Morning birds are singing
I feel and hear none of it

I've stopped trying

My memories, my thoughts
Your blue eyes, your face
Etched in pain
My love and concern for you
Will never die

I've stopped trying

My only hope is for your health, your success
A life filled with happiness
For me,

I've stopped trying

My life is gray & silent,
An underwater nightmare
A fog that never lifts

I've stopped trying

I love you so much
A love that grows and swells,
But never reaches you
A love not felt

I've stopped trying

And I'm choking on my tears,

I am drowning.

The Shadow of You

Drifting among gazebos unreal
A spring, summer, fall of my own imagining
Winter frozen like my heart

I see you in my minds eye

I crumble

How to be strong, how to be fearless
When I wander in illusions and dreams

I never knew how to catch you

I never knew how to hold on

Like water through my fingers
You flow
So long

So many have slipped past my clutching grasp
I thought: Let go, let be
If love is true, you will come back to me

Like a star hidden behind clouds,
My love remains

A cold burning bright
Flickering, flickering
Out with the dawn

A brighter light can overcome this lingering pain
This lingering flame

I don’t know how to let go
Like a cold, broken heart
When I see you I crumble

I fear your face and voice

I crumble

To replace this sorrow and pain
With joy and love
Is not an easy task

But I am willing to try again

I am willing to believe and trust
In something new again
I am willing to let in a new beautiful dawn
To overcome these shadows

The shadow of you.

Numbers

I am 59 dear he said
How old is my soul I wonder?
30, 50, 100?
Do numbers..does age truly matter?
At a certain point..with the weight of life
And the certainty of death,
I think age and numbers fall away.

How old is my heart?

I feel newborn sometimes or unborn even..
A baby bird trying to hatch from its shell,
A metal shell
In hell

How hard can it be to love?

How hard should it be to open new wings
And fly again?
Is there any way to tell?

Numbers....

I want to laugh.

Numbers...

I cry instead.

How can it matter the weight of years
When inside....
One hasn't even been born?

How forlorn

And troubling this is
This emphasis on numbers
One, two I love you...
Does that even matter?
Three, four I could go on
and on and on with you...

But let us close the door on the matter.

Snow Drop

White paleness hangs her head so sadly

Weary from the passing year so badly

She sleeps in tears, the year searing

Into her soul

Can she ever let it go?

There is frost on her heart

There are questions of why

And lonely sighs

A stolen kiss goodbye

Her head hangs so sadly

Shaking in the winter wind,

A flower so delicate and gentle

Surviving harsh winter

Is a testament

To her inner strength and survival;

Her hidden fire within

To let go is the dream

To wave goodbye to cold winds

To be renewed in spring again.

To relish in the warmth again

To accept a touch and tender hug again.

Her inner fire can melt the frost

She must find her fire and warm her heart

She must learn to lift her head

And welcome the start

Of a newly born fresh new year,

Burgeoning with hope and exciting possibilities

The dream of the snowdrop is to love again.

Silent Weeping Stones

Sometimes desire is desperation,

And passion all a show.

Fears of being alone,

I am silent weeping stone.

A kiss may break me

Causing cracks in the armor.

You may find it warm and safe,

Or a cold, hard trap.

I am silent weeping stone,

And you are another.

We roll away from each other

And cast shadows on our love.

As stones we can not speak or be moved.

We barricade our world from pain, joy and hope.

We are left bitter and alone.

We are silent weeping stones.