Paint Me With Laughter

Lost time is never found again~Benjamin Franklin

“What a sweet little boy,” I said to the tow headed child with big blue eyes. I was visiting my friend Shannon for the first time in years, and was immediately drawn to her son Caleb. He reached out his little arms and I scooped him up.

“How old is he?” I asked hugging him close.

“Two...no three. He’s just turned three…Ha ha.Things have been hectic around here. I’m lucky I can remember to eat!”

“Oh, he’s beautiful!”

Suddenly the child pushed himself up in my arms and buried his face in my hair. He rubbed his mouth back and forth quickly on the top of my head.

“Uh…What’s he doing?” I asked, a bit nervously.

Oh, he’s feeling your ‘happy.’ That is what he calls it. He does that with just about everyone. Kinda weird huh?

“No…it’s sweet!” Very weird. “Glad I washed my hair! “

Caleb stopped rubbing his face in my hair and looked at me. His look was very solemn, and he spoke clearly.

“Your happy is broken.”

The effect his words had on me was unexpected. I immediately put him down and walked away, arms across my chest.

“Lynette? You okay?”

“He said my happy was broken.” And then I started to cry.

Oh, Hon, what’s wrong? He’s three…what does he know?

It’s true though.” I said and took a deep breath. “Something is wrong with me. I feel broken somehow. Lost. Lonely. I feel displaced here. I can’t seem to feel anything anymore, or let anyone in.”

“Well, hon your divorce…it’s only been a year, or not even?”

“It will be a year in February. I have not heard his voice or seen his face in over a year. I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to get past the pain and start healing.” I buried my face in my hands and cried.

“I feel…” I said when I could catch my breath again. “I feel there is this pain in my heart, this dark ache that will never heal. Sometimes I feel I am just waiting to die.” I laughed a little shakily. ”Perhaps this wasn’t the best time for a visit.”

“No, No...” my friend was holding me I realized, and that I had wet her blouse with my tears. “We love you. We are glad you came. You can come to us for anything.”

‘Us,’ referred to her and her husband Chris. We had all been friends since college, some 15 years past. Chris was at work, and Shannon stayed home and took care of Caleb. Caleb was now tugging at his mother’s jeans. Shannon bent down, “What honey?” Caleb waved her closer whispering. Shannon sighed and leaned closer, and Caleb cupped his little hand to her ear and whispered-all the while looking at me. I smiled at him and dried my tears. I walked to the window, and looked out. The apartment was on the second floor above a daycare. The window overlooked the playground and I could see the children playing. I could hear their laughter. If only I could feel it!

I then felt a gentle pull on my hand and looked down. It was Caleb. He beamed up at me, his pale blue eyes shining.

“He wants you to go outside with him. To play.” Shannon smiled apologetically, and shrugged. A silent: It’s up to you. “He said something about you needing to be ‘painted with laughter.’ “

I smiled. Painted with laughter? I wonder if he knows I am an artist? “That sounds like exactly what I need! Lead the way Caleb!”

Once outside, Caleb led me to the center of the playing children. Curiously, the children paid neither of us any mind. Perhaps they were used to Caleb and his strange ways.

The children played around us, running and laughing, and I wished I had my camera. The playground was lit in full sun, and the children were all dressed how we should all be dressed-in fun colors and prints and designs. Caleb tilted his head back and closed his eyes. I did the same.

The sun shown through my lids, so I saw downy pink. I heard the children laughing and screaming in delight over their games. I felt the warmth of the sun, and then I felt it. Like butterfly kisses, there were these tiny bursts of energy along my skin causing goose-flesh to break out. I felt like I was being tickled.

I felt warmth, and joy and love surrounding me. I heard Caleb start to giggle then laugh, and I felt the overwhelming urge to do the same. We held hands and laughed together. The laughter painted me inside and out, and I realized there is so much beauty and joy in the world. It was time to let the darkness go.

I wonder what my happy looks like now.