Dirty Deeds

The two boys had talked about starting a business for weeks. They’d sit in Mark’s tree house in his backyard and swat mosquitoes in the summer evening making their plans. Selling lemonade was discarded as was selling cookies, mowing lawns and babysitting. Neither one liked lemonade or knew how to bake. The hard work of mowing lawns in the summer heat did not appeal to either one of them. And both were too young to be babysitters. Both boys were 12. Mark was the leader, since he was born 5 months earlier then Alex. Two days ago, the boys were lying in the clubhouse amidst comic books, and candy wrappers discussing the future and the mysterious ways of making money. The new Robot Monkey 3 was coming out for their Elect-astic gaming systems, and birthdays and holidays were too far off for any serious gift giving. The game was $54.99, and both boys decided they just had to have it, or would be the laughingstocks of their entire 6th grade. They had talked to a few kids over the summer when meeting at the city pool, and everyone was talking about it and saying how they would be the first to buy. The boys needed to come up with something fast. Wafts of rock and roll drifted up from Mark’s Dad’s garage as he worked on his mustang. Fragments of AC/DC drifted up to the boys.
“Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap….” Mark sat up and looked at Alex. Both boys’ eyes widened and smiled. It was perfect.

Two days later, everything was ready. They had their sign made and brought out a little card table. Mark’s dad told them they better not mess it up, and they told him not to worry. After they set up, promptly at 8am, in the cool delicious morning. Both boys were smiling and wide awake. They lost some of their resolve though when cars slowed to read their sign, and most drivers laughed and shook their heads. Some people looked confused and looked at the boys warily. Most people seemed to think it was a big joke, and drove off laughing. The boys were discouraged. Their sign simply read: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. They thought it was genius, and even had matching blue collared shirts and blue hats, like mechanics. They felt very optimistic and professional. They set up their sign, and organized their price sheets-which consisted of their services and prices neatly printed in pencil by Alex on sheets of notebook paper. Alex didn’t want to use pencil, and he frowned at how weak their price sheets looked-but Mark insisted pencil was necessary in case they needed to change their prices on the fly. Alex wanted to run home and get a pen to at least print the services darker and bolder, but by then, they received their first customer.

Their first customer arrived, and Alex was annoyed at not being able to bold their services in ink. He was further annoyed when he saw it who it was. James, a creepy kid from the next block was riding his bike and stopped when he saw the boys. He read the sign, and smiled at the kids encouragingly.

“Cool idea,” he said. “What’s that?

“That’s our price list.”

“Can I see it?”

“Sure!”

James was 14; one of the ‘Big Kids’, and though creepy, one to be admired and respected-always. Mark did all the talking, and Alex tried to smile and nod most professionally. James laughed at some of the deeds, and he pointed at #4 and said, “I like this one. Ha ha”

“Okay,” Mark said business-like. “That will be $5. Just tell us who you want to scare...”

“No,” James cut in, “I didn’t say I want that one, I just said ‘I like it.’ You see, I have a little sister that I want to get rid of.”

Alex gulped, “Scare her?”

“No,” James said impatiently, “get RID of, see?”

The boys looked at each other, and Alex whispered to Mark. Kill? And Mark nodded. Mark smiled at James, and winked at Alex.

“Now aren’t you glad you brought your pencil? Now let’s talk prices.”